My Independence

Editors Note: I have compling this post for a couple weeks - writers block is a bitch. Then a unimaginable accident happened to a friend, which most of you are aware of. Things that seemed hilarious enough to share with you all now seem like juvenile. However I realized that sometimes laughter is the best medicine and it helps to smile. If you find the post in bad taste, then I apologize.







In 1776, a couple of brazen white dudes decided that the status quo was no longer acceptable. Things that were at once considered normal and the "way things have been" were all of a sudden thrown out the door, and they decided to write their thoughts and demands on a piece of paper which we now know as the Declaration of Independence. And the rest is history.

I too have decided the status quo is no longer acceptable and would like to write my own declaration, obviously through my blog.

Now, ever since my surgery I wanted to try to live differently, mainly because a lot of females and family members kept telling me I had to. "G, you need to grow up... act your age… no girl wants a guy who gets faded on wknds…" I always found it ironic that people find it real easy to tell you how it live your life, even though it is obvious their life is fucked up. Anyhow, I acquiesced and listened to them. I began eating healthier and worked out every day, sometimes twice a day. Amongst other things, I spent Sundays at Barnes and Nobles reading and was comfortable "doing my own thing". This lifestyle was a huge shift from the way I lived ever since college, so I guess it should not be too much of a surprise that I relapsed.

Like most relapses, it was gradual. A missed workout here - a night drinking at a friend's reception. I guess if I had to look back, the beginning really was my college roommate’s bachelor party. Though I had known him for over 10 years, I had just taken the prior wknd off, so I could not commit to a wknd in Vegas. That week, I remember I ended up working 90+ hours. However as Friday night rolled around, the thought that 20 of my boys were in Vegas together combined with the fact that I had not been there for a year, was too much to handle and I decided I would pull a 24 hour stay in Vegas.

I got in around 2PM and left at 8AM the next day. The stay was awesome. All rules and discipline were thrown out the door and I drank to my livers content. Highlights included actually pulling a girl in Vegas (but of course she never called back a week later), winning $500 playing WAR, and getting kicked out of the casino because a dealer overpaid me and I refused to give the $$ back. The best story from that night did not involve a girl but a dude. So my officemate and I make a lot of gay jokes. It’s kind of like 40 year old virgin. "You know how I know you are gay??" "Why are you so gay??" "Your mom is gay??"

Anyhow, my roommate has a good friend of his that happens to be gay. Just so I am clear - I have no problem with gay people. Anyhow, we happen to be sitting across each other in a limo and I am faded. I was very conscious throughout the day to make sure I don’t use the word "gay" to describe anything. However I was faded and I was irritated that a couple people were taking long to get ready so I scream "WHERE ARE THOSE FUCKING FAGGOTS?!?!” The whole limo goes quiet. Everyone looks at me, and then I realize what I just did. I could not even bear to look at the gay dude - I was so embarrassed. I just offered him a drink and stayed my distance throughout the night. Fuck me.

After that Vegas trip, next thing I know more and more of my wknds were spent drinking and kicking it. A street fair. Someone's bbq. Someone's going away party. Friends from out of town. Great weather. Shitty weather. Baseball game. Happy Hour for the interns. Another bachelor party. First time at LA clubs. Farewell dinner for analysts.

Life was good but I was not obviously living the clean life that people thought I should be living. One girl who will go unnamed even told me " At least I am not a 28 year old who is still partying like a 19 year old." I was so disgusted by her statement, I gave her the standard response - "That may be true. But tomorrow I will be sober, and you will still be ugly." Okay, I wish I said that - instead of my lame comeback of "Thanks, I take that as a compliment."

So where does this leave me? Am I back at square one? No. Definitely not - its different this time. The reason why I say now it’s different, is that I now realize that living a life of extremes is just not possible. If I never drank before, then it may be realistic for me to say, "I want to give up drinking."

The fact of the matter is that I like to grab a drink with my close homies. I like getting faded with my homies and hollering at girls. I know I am 27. But fuck that. Just because I am old, it does not mean I can’t have a life and enjoy myself. As Blink 182 once said "What’s my age again? What’s my age again?"

Am I supposed to be the guy content to sit at home playing Cranium every Saturday. Fuck that. Truth be told, there are nights when I like to watch a movie by myself and call an early night. There are nights when I like to eat a meal with some close friends and have good conversation. There are nights when Cranium, Pictionary and Wii are fun. However, there are nights when going out with the boys are fun. I just think its unfair and fucking stupid for people to judge you on that one night they see you all fucked up.

That is my declaration. I don’t care. I declare freedom of caring what people think. For the longest time, I cared and try to please everyone. Parents told me to be more mature, white boys told me to act more white, some friends encouraging me to settle down, other friends telling me to fuck around to my hearts content, coworkers telling me to focus on work, ex coworkers telling me to quit, sisters telling me how to act to get with a "good" girl and bros telling me how to act to get with random hoes.

Now I have realized that pleasing everyone is impossible. No one knows how they are supposed to live. I see the nicest people doing the dirtiest things. I have seen brilliance in people who smoke out all the time. I have seen the hottest girl act like a conceited bitch, and I have seen booty girls reveal their kind souls. I have seen the downest of homies sell their "boys" down the river.

I guess I have come to the realization that no one really knows how to live this life and all of us at the end of the day are trying to do what makes us happy. I think Katt Williams said it best, "Haters will always hate. If you only have 10 niggas hating on you, you have to figure out what to do to get 30 niggas to hate on you."

Anyhow. Enough ranting. This past two weeks have been interesting

DUI / Accident. I almost got the lamest DUI possible. On July 3, I went to a friend’s house at 7PM to grab some brews before we went to dinner. I could not find any parking, so I said fuck it and blocked his driveway. I figure we would have one drink and then bounce then. Of course one drink led to 2 beers. We were sitting outside, when this 40 year lady comes up with groceries looking super annoyed. She asks who the hell is blocking the driveway, and I raise my beer to her. Remember this for later in the story.

She asks me to move it. My friend then tells me she is super anal and she is the landlord, and I should move the car now. No problem, I thought. Its July 3, I am not working and I got tomorrow off. As I got in the car, I thought I wanted to be super careful to not touch her car. I was parked on a hill, so when I reversed and switch to my car would roll back a little. As a result, I thought it would be best to gun it, so there would be 0% possibility that her car would hit.

So I moved the car in R. I thought I had moved it to D, and then gunned it. You guessed it. I forgot to shift it into D. I slammed my rear bumper in her car. It was straight out of an Austin Powers movies. As I quickly shifted to D, my friend had the same reaction I did. Complete disbelief. Now, she was upstairs, so I quickly moved my car up. I got out of the car completely pissed off, knowing this mistake potentially cost me a g or two.

Then God gave me a break. Though I slammed into her car, there was not a scratch on her. I told her that there was no damage and I was sincerely sorry. Then her inner bitch came out. She then told me the cops were on their way, "given the circumstance."

Now, I have gotten into my fair share of accidents, so I know the drill. If there is no damage to the car and no one is injured, its like it did not happen. Then it occurred to me. The circumstance was that I was drinking - she was trying to get me arrested for a DUI. I just stared at her in disbelief.

While we waited for the cops to arrive, we went to my friends place and thought of a.) how much my parents would be disappointed in me and b.) how much my friends would clown me. Since she was acting like a bitch, I decided to be a complete dick to her. I took out my camera and took pictures of her bumper. Then, I made her sign a statement which stated there were no “visible” scratches or dents in her car. I guess all these years in investment banking have paid off.

Luckily the cops never came and she never called back to claim damages. Fuck her.

July 4th. Lets just say I had a rough July 4th. Between a couple bbq's, countless boat races, several chugging contests and two bottles of jager - I was drunk. While getting faded is fun, getting superfaded is great if you don’t have to remember how you acted. Unfortunately / fortunately, I have some good friends who decided it would be funny to recount the night for me. Special shoutout to T who told me that in my drunken stupor, I unsuccessfully hit on a twenty year old and then when got denied, I hit on her 19 year old cousin next to her. Good times.




Skydiving. After a couple weeks of drinking and partying, I decided to do something to wake the soul, something to remind me that I am still alive. In college, I used to do these things ever so often, which thoroughly annoyed my mom and my sister, who became concerned that I was an adrenaline junkie. I have flown a plane (pre 9-11 of course), gone whitewater, ATV, skydiving, etc.

So I decided to go skydiving with some coworkers. This time would be a little different, as I would be jumping from 18,000 ft, rather than the 10,000 I did a couple years ago. We rolled out to the spot near Carmel, and we had to don our flight suits. Like scuba gear, these suits don’t really hide much or leave much to the imagination. To make matters worse, they weigh you. Like I mentioned above, the last couple weeks I have not been kind to me. The weight limit is 200lbs and the absolute max is 220lbs.

As if being weighed and being over the weight limit is not bad enough, I had the pleasure of paying an extra $2.00 per every pound I was over. Good times. Am I a piece of fucking meat?

Anyhow, for those who have not been, its is an amazing experience. To say I was not scared would by a lie. The plane ride up to 18K feet takes about 20 minutes, and the place is small and noisy. As the plane is climbing, my mind kept thinking it is a routine Southwest flight and peanuts will be served soon. However, reality keeps barging in as I had a 250 lb person attached to me. The scariest part of course is looking over the edge and the guy tells you to jump. There are no words that describe it. I think your mind just shuts off and you just jump. Check out this video of my rough landing.

Bachelor Party #2 One of my roommates just got married and let me just say I have never had so many people go crazy seeing a doll in a bar. Girls and guys all got a kick from our friend "Chasity". She did not make it through the night but man it was a wild night.

We started off the night at a steakhouse and after the bill came (and they could not spit in our food) we made him blow up the doll. The looks on these older refined patrons were priceless. We then jumped in our car and rolled to Marina. Even as we are driving, we would stick out "Chasity" out the window. The best would be at stop ligts when we would bang her against some guys window - suprisingly everyone laughed. The weird thing about the night is the girls loved Chasity more than the random dudes. Lets just say we had 15 girls give her the shocker. Good times.

Are you calling me a whore? I learned the hard way not to use big words around girls, especially drunk girls. After working a particularly long week, I decided to meet up my roommate and a friend at a bar, who were there with a couple of girls. Due to work, I was not able to get there till 11:30. My plan was just to grab a quick drink, feel normal for a bit by being out on a Friday night and then head home for some much needed rest. As soon as I walk in, this girl, who will go nameless, for some reason was really bothered by my late arrival.

Girl: "Where were you?"
G: "I was at work, its been a rough week"
Girl: "Aren't you too old to be working this late? Shouldn’t you find another job with normal hours."
G: speechless and getting aggravated.

So I decided to get back at her and ask her where her much cooler friends were. Except I did not phrase it that way.

G: "Anyhow, where are your cooler cohorts at?"
Girl: Shocked- and turns around
G (thinking): I guess she is really sensitive about her friends being cooler than she his
Girl: Flicks G off. "Don’t ever call me or my friends a whore"
G (thinking): She is really overdramatic. Wait did she think I called her a whore.
Girl: Yells at G and tells her roommate what she thinks I said.
G: Fuck. She misheard me. Game over.

Lesson: Don’t use big words around girls.

Stern Grove. I had the opportunity to roll to Stern Grove, which is an outdoor concert series, for the first time this weekend, which is suprising since I have lived in the city for six years now. Anyhow, it was awesome to see Karsh Kale and Anusha Shankar. However, it was more impressive to see so many people out in a park to hear indian music.

As is standard with our crew, we came prepped. One of our friends got there a good four hours and insured that we had great seats. T even brought 10L of beers among the 18 pack of beers and the bottles of wine we all had. I am proud to say we did NOT play any drinking games. The concert was amazing, and it seemed that we would run into a different crew of friends everywhere. All in all a good time.

Of course all good things must come to an end. During the concert, I met into a family friend who is like my pseudo older sister. I have not seen her in a year and she is moving into the city, so I was super excited. As expected, within five minutes, she called me out on gaining weight, losing hair and lack of game. She even asked my boy T, "How is it that you are able to meet so many girls and have a new gf, and G is still "talking to some girls". Can't you teach him anything?" T being the boy he is, gave her a heavy pour of wine and laughed on, without adding any side commentary. Fuck me.....