From Me ...To Me
Bill Simmons
I could not help but be entertained all day by Bill Simmon's 6-hour chat, which he had a couple weeks ago. Truthfully, I skipped a lot of questions and it’s obvious that that fatherhood and LA has caused him to lose a step and has affected his once witty sense of humor. However, his columns still have beauties like this one, where you cannot find anywhere else.
Craig (NY NY): When is it ok to let go of your first fart in front of a new girlfriend. When did you let your first one rip in front of sports gal?
Bill Simmons: (2:40 PM ET ) The 3-week mark. Not before, not after.
For the guys with ladies in their lives, is Bill right?
Tree Man
Like the guy in Office Space, the first part of the morning is all about
catching up on everything except work. I go to TMZ.com , then ESPN.com and then CNN.com. I even read the LA Times to see what the LA beat writers are saying @ Kobe. One of my favorite ways to make the time pass is to go sfgates.com and look through their “Day in Pictures”. These are about ten pictures from around the world, which somehow always puts me in a better mood. (GHEY WARNING ALERT) It reminds me there is a whole world out there: full of interesting people who care more about if a comma is properly placed. (GHEY WARNING ALERT OVER) 
Anyhow, I was scrolling through the pictures the other day and found the picture below. This shit was so amazing. This guy has tree branches for hands and knees. How is this not making the front news of all websites? This shit is so insane. You have to watch the videos. Though I must warn you, the image is gross and will stick around in your head.
Parking
For the last week, I have grown bitter. Bitter that CAL performed so shitty this year. Bitter about the number of striped shirts I own. Bitter that I had to work past 8PM on a week night. Bitter that I drink too much. Bitter that I don’t party enough. Bitter that I did not take enough vacation this year. I realize now that a lot of these feelings of angst are unwarranted and uncontrollable but December is the time of year where I look back at what I have accomplished and did not accomplish.
Anyhow, a couple weeks ago I had to roll to the annual Big Brothers/Big Sister's Christmas party which started at 1PM. One of my old roommates had a baby so I was at their house playing with the kid beforehand. I had figured if I leave by 12PM, I would be in a position to be the party at time. Of course, I got way too preoccupied playing with the baby and the next thing I knew it was 12:30PM. I then quickly rolled out and somehow was able to make it to the freeway in record time only to realize that the traffic was backed up because of the 49er game (my kid lives in the ghetto right next to the stadium). So of course what should have taken 10 minutes ended up taking 45 minutes.
I get to his house and my bro, Bernard, is justifiably annoyed. We get in the car and he starts to ask me what time did it start, etc. I begin feeling guilty as the party is meant for him so I begin speeding to save some minutes. The party is in the middle of downtown and I knew parking would be a bitch. Too make matters worse, I had no cash so I could not park it in a garage without stopping by an ATM, which would take more time.
Anyhow, we are rolling around the Union Square area and I am getting annoyed by the lack of parking, when all of a sudden god decides to do me a favor. I spot a car pulling out, so I pull my car ahead of him and put my blinker on. At this point, I am happy. We have arrived and are only 15 minutes late. I start talking about some ghetto Christmas parties I rolled to (more on this later) when I see the guy pulling out. I begin to reverse in when I notice a Mercedes trying to scheme from the back. It was straight out of Seinfeld. I honk at the car but they proceed to pull into this spot. At this point, I had two options
1. Try to find another spot and act like a bitch in front of Bernard; or
2. Go act like a bad ass and risk getting a beat down by some big kalu.
Of course I go for Option 2. I park the car in the middle of street and pop my door open in a very dramatic fashion. I then walk to the car yelling "This is fucked up. This is bullshit. This is my spot and you know it." As I got closer, I was EXTREMELY relieved to see two Asian girls in the Benz. Game Over.
They make some dumb remark about how they saw it first. Instead, kept yelling and told them I was just going to stand next to car and would key it up. I should have told them "Do the right thing" in an Asian voice from Russell Peters bit. Anyhow, they wisely decided to move their car. (Moments like this are when I am glad I drive a real shitty car) They started flicking me off as they drove back but I had won so I did not care. The walk back to the car was awesome - I was on top of the world. Bernard, who was in the car the whole time, was straight shocked and impressed, which made it all worth it. All of a sudden, his somewhat nerdy brother with the broke car was a gangsta.
Now before you all get all critical, let me enjoy my moment of glory. I realize I punked some girls and that does mean shit. But in my defense, I started yelling not knowing who was in the car. Second of all, I know I probably should have been a better role model to Bernard and teach him about non-violence, but truthfully there is no better lesson than to stand up for what you believe in and not be afraid of getting beat down.
Truthfully, I think that is a lesson that I wish I learned earlier. I have not really been jumped or gotten into a fight - the couple times I have been in a fight were when I had to help out a couple of my friends. I think there is some value to getting hit by another guy. Though it is painful, it is important to realize that the fear of getting hit is much worse than getting it. It’s like what FDR said in one of his most famous speeches - “There is nothing to fear but fear itself". I am not saying we should all go out looking for fights but none of us should be afraid to fight for something we believe in.
Christmas Party
The actual Christmas party that I took to Bernard to was actually pretty lame. They served some food and we played BINGO. GHEY. The funniest thing is that the Grand Prize for the raffle was a $45 gift card to Walmart. This was a stark difference to the community Christmas parties I used to roll to.
When we were kids, my dad and some of the other Indian uncles in the area started this community center called the "India Heritage Center" (IHC). First rule - no Slims allowed... Just kidding. The kids would learn Hindi while the parents would read the Gita. Some of the kids would come early and take tabla and they offered kathak classes as well (we were of course very heavily North Indian.)
Now, I don’t know how the IHC center pulled this but all of the kids (I think kids 8 and under) got to roll to the Mayor's party. This was meant for ghetto children NOT for the rich sons and daughters of Indian doctors, etc. Anyhow, I never questioned it and was happy to roll. The great part of it all was this was an elaborate event held near the Rose Bowl. Besides the Mayor, famous athletes would roll by including some of the Lakers and Dodgers. The best part was that the Laker girls would roll by - I appreciated hot ladies back then and would make sure to take photos, even thought the camera I brought had no film.
Besides seeing Laker girls another highlight was the raffle. Unlike Bernard's raffle, the mayor's party had some bomb gifts. I am talking BMX bikes, Nintendos, Segas, etc. My dad was very old school back then so this was my only chance to get non-educational items. Of course, every year I would get stuck with whack gifts like McDonald’s gift certificates while some ghetto kid would walk away with a brand new Nintendo. Looking back now, I am glad he got it but back then I was bitter as hell.
Which leads me to the present..
Happy Holidays! Remember it’s much better to give than receive. Take the time to help out those who are less fortunate that you are. And of course, there is nothing wrong with buying yourself that one item you want (its a lot easier than being bitter that no one was able to read your mind and figure out this is what you REALLY wanted)… you can always use one of the lines my favorite shows uses - "From me ……..to ME!"
I could not help but be entertained all day by Bill Simmon's 6-hour chat, which he had a couple weeks ago. Truthfully, I skipped a lot of questions and it’s obvious that that fatherhood and LA has caused him to lose a step and has affected his once witty sense of humor. However, his columns still have beauties like this one, where you cannot find anywhere else.
Craig (NY NY): When is it ok to let go of your first fart in front of a new girlfriend. When did you let your first one rip in front of sports gal?
Bill Simmons: (2:40 PM ET ) The 3-week mark. Not before, not after.
For the guys with ladies in their lives, is Bill right?
Tree Man
Like the guy in Office Space, the first part of the morning is all about
catching up on everything except work. I go to TMZ.com , then ESPN.com and then CNN.com. I even read the LA Times to see what the LA beat writers are saying @ Kobe. One of my favorite ways to make the time pass is to go sfgates.com and look through their “Day in Pictures”. These are about ten pictures from around the world, which somehow always puts me in a better mood. (GHEY WARNING ALERT) It reminds me there is a whole world out there: full of interesting people who care more about if a comma is properly placed. (GHEY WARNING ALERT OVER) 
Anyhow, I was scrolling through the pictures the other day and found the picture below. This shit was so amazing. This guy has tree branches for hands and knees. How is this not making the front news of all websites? This shit is so insane. You have to watch the videos. Though I must warn you, the image is gross and will stick around in your head.
Parking
For the last week, I have grown bitter. Bitter that CAL performed so shitty this year. Bitter about the number of striped shirts I own. Bitter that I had to work past 8PM on a week night. Bitter that I drink too much. Bitter that I don’t party enough. Bitter that I did not take enough vacation this year. I realize now that a lot of these feelings of angst are unwarranted and uncontrollable but December is the time of year where I look back at what I have accomplished and did not accomplish.
Anyhow, a couple weeks ago I had to roll to the annual Big Brothers/Big Sister's Christmas party which started at 1PM. One of my old roommates had a baby so I was at their house playing with the kid beforehand. I had figured if I leave by 12PM, I would be in a position to be the party at time. Of course, I got way too preoccupied playing with the baby and the next thing I knew it was 12:30PM. I then quickly rolled out and somehow was able to make it to the freeway in record time only to realize that the traffic was backed up because of the 49er game (my kid lives in the ghetto right next to the stadium). So of course what should have taken 10 minutes ended up taking 45 minutes.
I get to his house and my bro, Bernard, is justifiably annoyed. We get in the car and he starts to ask me what time did it start, etc. I begin feeling guilty as the party is meant for him so I begin speeding to save some minutes. The party is in the middle of downtown and I knew parking would be a bitch. Too make matters worse, I had no cash so I could not park it in a garage without stopping by an ATM, which would take more time.
Anyhow, we are rolling around the Union Square area and I am getting annoyed by the lack of parking, when all of a sudden god decides to do me a favor. I spot a car pulling out, so I pull my car ahead of him and put my blinker on. At this point, I am happy. We have arrived and are only 15 minutes late. I start talking about some ghetto Christmas parties I rolled to (more on this later) when I see the guy pulling out. I begin to reverse in when I notice a Mercedes trying to scheme from the back. It was straight out of Seinfeld. I honk at the car but they proceed to pull into this spot. At this point, I had two options
1. Try to find another spot and act like a bitch in front of Bernard; or
2. Go act like a bad ass and risk getting a beat down by some big kalu.
Of course I go for Option 2. I park the car in the middle of street and pop my door open in a very dramatic fashion. I then walk to the car yelling "This is fucked up. This is bullshit. This is my spot and you know it." As I got closer, I was EXTREMELY relieved to see two Asian girls in the Benz. Game Over.
They make some dumb remark about how they saw it first. Instead, kept yelling and told them I was just going to stand next to car and would key it up. I should have told them "Do the right thing" in an Asian voice from Russell Peters bit. Anyhow, they wisely decided to move their car. (Moments like this are when I am glad I drive a real shitty car) They started flicking me off as they drove back but I had won so I did not care. The walk back to the car was awesome - I was on top of the world. Bernard, who was in the car the whole time, was straight shocked and impressed, which made it all worth it. All of a sudden, his somewhat nerdy brother with the broke car was a gangsta.
Now before you all get all critical, let me enjoy my moment of glory. I realize I punked some girls and that does mean shit. But in my defense, I started yelling not knowing who was in the car. Second of all, I know I probably should have been a better role model to Bernard and teach him about non-violence, but truthfully there is no better lesson than to stand up for what you believe in and not be afraid of getting beat down.
Truthfully, I think that is a lesson that I wish I learned earlier. I have not really been jumped or gotten into a fight - the couple times I have been in a fight were when I had to help out a couple of my friends. I think there is some value to getting hit by another guy. Though it is painful, it is important to realize that the fear of getting hit is much worse than getting it. It’s like what FDR said in one of his most famous speeches - “There is nothing to fear but fear itself". I am not saying we should all go out looking for fights but none of us should be afraid to fight for something we believe in.
Christmas Party
The actual Christmas party that I took to Bernard to was actually pretty lame. They served some food and we played BINGO. GHEY. The funniest thing is that the Grand Prize for the raffle was a $45 gift card to Walmart. This was a stark difference to the community Christmas parties I used to roll to.
When we were kids, my dad and some of the other Indian uncles in the area started this community center called the "India Heritage Center" (IHC). First rule - no Slims allowed... Just kidding. The kids would learn Hindi while the parents would read the Gita. Some of the kids would come early and take tabla and they offered kathak classes as well (we were of course very heavily North Indian.)
Now, I don’t know how the IHC center pulled this but all of the kids (I think kids 8 and under) got to roll to the Mayor's party. This was meant for ghetto children NOT for the rich sons and daughters of Indian doctors, etc. Anyhow, I never questioned it and was happy to roll. The great part of it all was this was an elaborate event held near the Rose Bowl. Besides the Mayor, famous athletes would roll by including some of the Lakers and Dodgers. The best part was that the Laker girls would roll by - I appreciated hot ladies back then and would make sure to take photos, even thought the camera I brought had no film.
Besides seeing Laker girls another highlight was the raffle. Unlike Bernard's raffle, the mayor's party had some bomb gifts. I am talking BMX bikes, Nintendos, Segas, etc. My dad was very old school back then so this was my only chance to get non-educational items. Of course, every year I would get stuck with whack gifts like McDonald’s gift certificates while some ghetto kid would walk away with a brand new Nintendo. Looking back now, I am glad he got it but back then I was bitter as hell.
Which leads me to the present..
Happy Holidays! Remember it’s much better to give than receive. Take the time to help out those who are less fortunate that you are. And of course, there is nothing wrong with buying yourself that one item you want (its a lot easier than being bitter that no one was able to read your mind and figure out this is what you REALLY wanted)… you can always use one of the lines my favorite shows uses - "From me ……..to ME!"
Sisters Engagement Party
They say A picture is worth 1000 words. As many of you may know, my little sister recently had her engagement party. The party was amazing. She looked stunning and my last minute speech and dance went smoothly. Given that I was running around the the week before the event, I started to lose my voice. Note to future MCs: A shot of Johnnie Walker black neat is not the best drink to have before you speak (thanks rishi and terence). I especially got scared when Rishi said I was slurring my words.
Anyhow, Ill leave you a picture that will give you a taste of the nite. Its my pops dancing to "Smack that" by Akon. Now you know where my pimp dancing skills come from.
posted by G at
3:49 PM
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