Giraffes, Safaris, Weddings and the Lakers

The world of blogging has come to the same fate as sagging pants and sabuca shots, aka a relic of the past. First T and Ali took a long hiatus, and the SB went corporate. Trips experience lasted a couple entries and surely even the most regular of writers, Yat, stopped writing of his drinking escapades, in fear of his future boss finding his posts.

In any case, the resurgence of T has inspired me to write another post.

Africa – the rest of my trip was simply a blast. I honestly could not have asked for a better trip, especially considering I did not plan a single portion of my trip. Things just had a way of working out. SB was there to show me around Nairobi and introduced me to a few of his awesome journalist friends – he even planned a weekend getaway at the Lake Naivasha, which is Nairobi’s equivalent of Lake Tahoe. I somehow was able to book a 3 day trip to Lamu hours before, which in the US rarely happens. The best part was that SB’s friend hooked up a trip to the Mara at Cottars, which is simply the most pimp place one could safari. Kiera Knightly, Don Cheadle, Vanessa Williams all have been here..it was worth the price to know I have slept in the same bed as Kiera knightly – I mean that’s one step away, granted one very big step away, to sleep with Kiera. But in all seriousness, it was amazing. The tent with the bathroom literally was the size of my room in SF, complete with candles, magazines, a couch and a lovely view of the Serengeti. We each had 3 course meals and were treated to gin and tonics during our actual safari, besides the massages and the baths we had.

One example of the pimpness was the campfire. After our amazing meal, we walked to a campfire which was overlooking the Serengeti. We were all discussing over our drinks how pimp it would be to have a joint – it would complete the night. Of course, I bitched out from asking – in any case someone asked our guide, and he started to laugh. I thought this meant he was calling the police, but next thing I know he returned with a joint – free of charge. That is what I call full service. Oh yeah, and whenever smoke from the fire got in my eyes, the masai would actually move the wood. Yeap.

What else? Africa, I think is a very beautiful country. Sure there are parts of it that are very third world, but for the most part I enjoyed every minute of the trip. People are very friendly and greet each other with “Jambo” – it actually reminded me a lot of India in that you can go up to any random stranger and start a conversation. Africans have a unique way of speaking in that every sentence is a differential questions. For example, no one would say “The sky is blue” – rather one would say “ Me, I don’t know but to me, it seems that perhaps the sky is blue, isn’t it?” I freaking loved it and would try to mimic this style whenever I could, though failed most of the time. I can only imagine what banking would be like in this country once its developed would be like … “This company is worth at least $5MM, isn’t it.”

Anyhow, each day I was there had a unique highlight.

• There was the time where my friend and I killed a bottle of Jameson while chilling a campfire in one of the lodges, only to unknowingly come within ten feet of an elephant would have broken through the electrical fence.
• There was the time where I met this British guy at one of the beaches who was on the run from the British government and was hiding out in Kenya. He convinced me to leave a party where a bunch of South Africans (read : white people) were partying to take me to a local bar in the middle of town. The first ten minutes I was at the bar, I was like tight – this will make for a good story – after 5 girls came up to me and offered their services for less than the cost of a beer in the US, I felt afraid. And then when I looked around and I was the only non-local there, I was very afraid.
  
• There was the time where I got conned to pay $20 to eat dinner at someones house. This man, who weighed like 400lbs started speaking Hindi to me and started singing Kuch Kuch. The FOB in me figured whats the harm. After surviving a torrential rainstorm, I walked to his house and saw this gorilla sitting without his shirt on (see right). Needless to say, I had no appetite.
• The food there is really good and the thing that surprised me the most is that chicken over there actually has flavor. Chicken in the US does not really taste like anything – but there it is more gamey and taste more like duck. That took me by surprise.
• The most gay experience I had was SB took me to the Giraffe conservatory, where you can feed giraffes from your hands. Giraffes have very long tongues and when they grab the pellets from your hand its a weird experience. I was okay with this. I was even okay when I "kissed" a giraffe - that is , I held a food pellet in my lips and the giraffe grabbed it with his tongue. I however, felt the most uncomfortable when the guide made me and SB hold hands and put pellets in our hands. That was extremely gay. The picture of me laughing to right is not of pleasure but extreme me being very uncomfortable. I wanted to yell "I need an adult - I am not comfortable!" (top picture)
  

The trip back was a little more painful though. I caught a 11PM from Nairobi to Dubai. I luckily was able to get an aisle seat and passed out. Landed in Dubai where I bought some African liquor and killed two hours before my connection. My flight to London from there was not as painful because I passed out again.

London, though, was a disaster. First, I find out any of the unopened sealed liquor I purchased in Dubai could not go through to US, unless I left the airport, checked my carry-on, and went thru security. Oh yeah, I only had an hour before my next flight, so I did not want to risk it. I did though raise a huge stink at security and asked if I could at least have one sip of the liq and they could throw it away. When they said no to that, I fucked around with them and asked if they would be drinking my liquor when they went home. Of course they said they threw it away, so I asked them if that was the case, then they would not mind if I emptied the contents in a sink. You guessed it – they said that was against policy. Whatever.

The real treat was my 9-10 hour flight from London to SFO. First of all, United sucks. They have the smallest screens and don’t have the movie selection that other airlines provide. Compounding this misery, was the fact that I had slept on my two other flights, so I could not pass out. Oh yeah, I had a mentally handicapped, retarded Sikh kid behind me. He must have been 21 and a pretty guy with a turban and everything. However, during takeoff, landing and periodically throughout the flight he would freak out and start to scream and kick my chair. As you can imagine, most of the passengers were on edge. Good times.

Sisters Wedding – When I returned from Africa, the next three weeks were pretty much dedicated to my sister and helping her with her wedding which happened over the long weekend. As I mentioned to several of you, wedding planning is not fun stuff and actually takes the toll. Since my elder sister was busy with work, I took on the lionshare of responsibility and helped with everything from vendors, decorating the house, negotiating arguments between my dad and my sister, trips to the hotel, trips to Ikea, setting up all the lights (I ended up putting so many Christmas lights on the house, that our electricity tripped), the sound system, etc. Everyday was a different mediation session and it felt like a circus and I was like the ringmaster.

I ended up being the MC for the Sangeet and did a dance pretending to be a girl. In all everything turned out beautifully – all the events went better than planned. More imptly, having all my family, close family friends, uncles and aunts that I have not seen in years at our house is an indescribable feeling. Besides that I got amazing home cooked food everyday I was there! For the reception, I was MC, with my sister and managed to screw up ample times but somehow recovered – for example, when we played the question game to see how well the bride and groom knew each other I asked my sister “How often does Sheetal shave? “ There was an uncomfortable pause in the audience so I quickly clarified “his face”, and the audience erupted in laughter. I even managed to sing a song (no one covered there ears in pain, so I consider that a success) and all of our cousins and me managed to do another dance with only two practices.

My sister thoroughly enjoyed all the events and she looked amazing. Of course during the vadai ceremony, I cried like a little bitch – say what you want, its my little sister and I am extremely close to her.

Present: So that brings me to the present. I am back in SF and actually sitting at Panera Bread near the ballpark. Its one of the few places in the city that offers free Internet and has ample plugs. For some reason, I am really unproductive at home – Ill take a 30 min TV break or end up napping for most of the day. Back on the job hunt, with moderate success thus far.

There are a couple things I want to vent about though as I sit here:

Lakers: I am still disappointed and crushed Lakers lost Game 4. You all saw it, so no point in recounting. Yes, Yat I did leave the game midway to play ball, and watched the game on Tivo after playing. No, this is not why the Lakers lost - Odom and Gason just did not show up. I still believe Lakers are the better team and they displayed this in glimpses. Unfort, bball is a 48 min game. In any case, Game 4 was much more disappointing than how Lakers got polished in Game 6. Whatever, this is not why I'm really pissed. I'm pissed at these wannabe Celtics fan who took the time to text and email me talking trash. Where do you get off? The worse ones are the ones who send a link to a breakdown of the game, as if somehow I missed the game. Thanks Jackass.

If you are a Celtics fan, then congrats. Your team and coach blew us apart. Everyone else, the Lakers were in the finals - where the hell was your team?

Brett Favre: First of all fuck Favre. I am not saying that because I am an Aaron Rodgers fan. I am seriously this guy is a joke and needs to retire. The team asked him if he was thinking about returning after he retired, and he said no. As a result, the team started to prepare for the future and began to groom Aaron as the starting qb. If memory serves me correctly, they even drafted another qb this year. Now Favre realizes the real world is not as exciting as the NFL wants to come back .Fuck him. You make a decision like that, call a press conference to announce you are done, then you stay retired. I am glad the Packers are staying strong – they should not release him out of spite. The funny thing I thought this guy was a great person till now. No one can argue that he is one of the games best QBs. But outside of that, he managed to make the game fun and always seemed like a 5 year old out there and was the most excited after any touchdown. However, these latest transgressions and playing the “he said she said” game has definitely tainted his legacy.

Hands-free driving – The fact that people were talking with one hand on the wheel and one holding a phone was NOT the reason these people got into accidents. Its simply because they were distracted and focusing on their conversation and not the road. So the fact that people can now use earpieces in my mind will not decrease the number of accidents. In fact, it will probably increase it as these set of drivers will now find another way to occupy one of their hands.

And please people, it is not illegal to walk while holding a phone. So please do me a favor and take out your piece when you are on a call in the grocery. First of all, you look ridiculous when people think you are talking to yourself. At least before, it was obvious when you are on the phone as one hand was close to the ear. Now its confusing. I was the gas station and this cute blonde pulls up next to me. She kept smiling and looking over and it was only when she left did I see she was on the phone. Also please be aware that since you are talking in a public place assume people will eavesdrop. And if the conversation is of a personal nature where you don’t want others to hear, its probably best not to have the conversation at a grocery store.

Lastly, please please if you are not on a call, take that shit out of your ear. You don’t look cool and NO ONE is impressed. I don’t want to talk about the tools who wear an ear piece to the bar and keep their berry/phone in a holster on their belt buckle. Idiots. Fucking idiots.

Ok the guys at Panera are looking at me funny as I have been here for six hours and have only purchased a small drink. More to come later. And if I feel motivated, Ill try to parse my Africa pics down to a manageable number to share with you.