Caught Again
There is nothing more embarrassing than getting caught for stuff you know is wrong/illegal. As a kid, this happened more often than not. Back then it was all about rolling in a crew with your bicycle. It was a ticket to freedom, as for the first time you did not need your parents to go pick up a slurpee. Of course, half the time, my parents would drop me and my bike at my friend’s house. Please keep in mind despite our inherent ghettoness we grew in arcadia, not Compton.
Anyhow, I remember this one time we stopped by a liquor shop, and I wanted to see if I could jack one of those 25 cent big red packs. Of course, I thought I was as slick as Houdini, but then the lady caught me and told me to take my stuff out of my pocket.
When the gum eventually made its way out I said, “I was just putting in my pocket and of course I was going to pay." She started to threaten me with cops, so I threw the gum at her, and the quarter and biked off. My friend and I still laugh about it. Of course, the lady is probably laughing harder at the wannabes thugs, as she got the money and the gum.
Of course that was before I discovered girls, and began thinking with my other head which often landed me in a lot of trouble. Most guys I know have been caught, so I don’t feel too bad in retrospect. Anyhow, I have been caught with porn by my dad a couple times. My dad is a computer guy by training, which makes it a whole lot harder to hide shit from.
Back in the day, my friend and I used to download pictures from BBS - though we were horn balls, we were still nerds at heart. We used to trade disks. Of course, rather than putting a password, we used to create hidden directories, so the disk would appear to be blank.
One day, I was careless and left this unlabeled disk on the desk. Next thing I know, my dad called me into my room, shut the door, and asked what this was and where I got this. He gave this huge lecture that this shit will screw up my head and my chances of any real relationship. Again, in retrospect, he was probably right. Anyhow, he had easily figured out that there were hidden folders, as the 3.5” disk was full but no files were showing.
About a month later, my friend and I got a copy of Basic Instinct, which is the closest at our age we could get to hard core porn. Actually even today, that movie is still considered porn. For some reason, I was really careless about this kind of stuff and "hid" the video in a drawer. Within a week, my mom was cleaning my room, and saw the movie. Next thing I know I had to talk to both to my parents about the movie. I think they had heard about the "scenes" as my arguments about the good plot and dialogue fell on deaf ears.
Now why am I bringing this up? Because I got caught again two weeks ago. Not by my parents or sisters. Or even my roommates. This was worse; I got caught by my assistant. First off, get your mind out of the gutter. I have been working the last 4 weeks on this deal that finally just got announced - ($17.6BN acquisition of Freescale).
As a result, I was in NY for 2 weeks, working longs hours and going directly back to the hotel. One night, when I was particularly stressed about work, I ordered an adult move, just to get my mind off things. I am an ethical guy, and charged it to my personal card, as I did not want to bill the company back for that.
One week later, my assistant walks in with a smirk on her face. She was like "I was doing your expenses, and I noticed you put a movie on your personal card… long hours huh?"
G: "fuck……umm yeah...”
She was clearly enjoying this as she continued “Lots of stress?"
G: "Umm yeah...how did you know? I billed that to my personal card?”
S: “I have my ways... so you umm were trying to hide it from me?? Its cool, I have a husband. You have to do what you have to do...”
G: “Ok, I am a little embarrassed now; I am going to turn around"
Fuck me.
Anyhow, I remember this one time we stopped by a liquor shop, and I wanted to see if I could jack one of those 25 cent big red packs. Of course, I thought I was as slick as Houdini, but then the lady caught me and told me to take my stuff out of my pocket.
When the gum eventually made its way out I said, “I was just putting in my pocket and of course I was going to pay." She started to threaten me with cops, so I threw the gum at her, and the quarter and biked off. My friend and I still laugh about it. Of course, the lady is probably laughing harder at the wannabes thugs, as she got the money and the gum.
Of course that was before I discovered girls, and began thinking with my other head which often landed me in a lot of trouble. Most guys I know have been caught, so I don’t feel too bad in retrospect. Anyhow, I have been caught with porn by my dad a couple times. My dad is a computer guy by training, which makes it a whole lot harder to hide shit from.
Back in the day, my friend and I used to download pictures from BBS - though we were horn balls, we were still nerds at heart. We used to trade disks. Of course, rather than putting a password, we used to create hidden directories, so the disk would appear to be blank.
One day, I was careless and left this unlabeled disk on the desk. Next thing I know, my dad called me into my room, shut the door, and asked what this was and where I got this. He gave this huge lecture that this shit will screw up my head and my chances of any real relationship. Again, in retrospect, he was probably right. Anyhow, he had easily figured out that there were hidden folders, as the 3.5” disk was full but no files were showing.
About a month later, my friend and I got a copy of Basic Instinct, which is the closest at our age we could get to hard core porn. Actually even today, that movie is still considered porn. For some reason, I was really careless about this kind of stuff and "hid" the video in a drawer. Within a week, my mom was cleaning my room, and saw the movie. Next thing I know I had to talk to both to my parents about the movie. I think they had heard about the "scenes" as my arguments about the good plot and dialogue fell on deaf ears.
Now why am I bringing this up? Because I got caught again two weeks ago. Not by my parents or sisters. Or even my roommates. This was worse; I got caught by my assistant. First off, get your mind out of the gutter. I have been working the last 4 weeks on this deal that finally just got announced - ($17.6BN acquisition of Freescale).
As a result, I was in NY for 2 weeks, working longs hours and going directly back to the hotel. One night, when I was particularly stressed about work, I ordered an adult move, just to get my mind off things. I am an ethical guy, and charged it to my personal card, as I did not want to bill the company back for that.
One week later, my assistant walks in with a smirk on her face. She was like "I was doing your expenses, and I noticed you put a movie on your personal card… long hours huh?"
G: "fuck……umm yeah...”
She was clearly enjoying this as she continued “Lots of stress?"
G: "Umm yeah...how did you know? I billed that to my personal card?”
S: “I have my ways... so you umm were trying to hide it from me?? Its cool, I have a husband. You have to do what you have to do...”
G: “Ok, I am a little embarrassed now; I am going to turn around"
Fuck me.
posted by G at
10:42 AM
5 Comments:
CLASSIC!
The more things change, it is reassuring to see that some stay the exact god damn same! God Bless you G!
wait...i thought the names of movies don't show up at hotels...are you freaking serious???!!! this changes everything!
your assistant should either be fired or made president of the company. that's stealth work. it wasn't a screech porno, was it?
oh no shashank, you didn't go there did you?!
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