Collateral

There are days I feel like the Jamie Fox's character in Collateral.

Fox drives around a cab, saving up for the day that he can have his own limo company. Till that day, he is content happy just driving people around, and happy that his "dream" is only a couple years away. Sadly, he has gotten decent at it.

There is a scene where Jada Pinkett comes in the car, he gets excited and gets her number, but knows the minute she leaves the cab, he will not call her. In a way he is delusional, because he knows thinks there is a exit in his near future when all his troubles will wash away.

Then Tom Cruise comes in the car, and after some hungama, finally gets pissed at and asks Jamie a very simple question: "What the fuck are you driving a cab? You could have bought one limo already and started your company." It then hits him that, life has passed him and he is actually a taxi cab driver. This is not a part time position to hold him over - it is what he is, no matter how much he tries to fight it.

So now I ask myself the same question, that people constantly ask me: "What the fuck am I doing still in banking?"

In truth, it is the only I have done since I started banking. Summer internship : Tech M&A. Six years later, I am still doing Tech M&A. When I had a chance to do get out last year, I panicked. This is the only thing I have done since college, and was not sure if I was ready to actually make a career decision. I thought that by staying in banking, I am not closing any doors. However, the key I am beginning to realize is that I am also not opening any new doors. I need to take the risk of closing one door, in that the right one will open sometime.

So just like Jamie, I am just trying driving a cab, talking about what I am going to do next...

But the point I am unsuccessfully make, is that its has been awhile since I have taken a risk and tried something new. When I was in college, at first I was a very risk-tolerant person in that I was willing to try new things. Probably the number 1 reason I came to Cal, well besides the fact that I did not get into Stanfurd, was that I did not want to go to UCLA. My sister would have been a senior there, and she was in big in the Indian scene, and I did not want to be known as Priya's brother. I wanted to try it alone and do it my way.

Now, I am not sure if I take any real risks. And I am not talking about the risk associated with going up to a girl, you see at a bar, when you are hammered and asking her is wants to dance. I am talking about the risks about telling someone you really like how you feel, and putting yourself out there.

In the end, I live in my bubble known as SF, have my set group of friends, and live life contently drinking away, trying to keep things status quo.

It is time to take some risks. It is time.